Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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