I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize