I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
