is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
