I think i peed on brittanys purse
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
