non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
