I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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