The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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