I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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