maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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