You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
