I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
