1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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