Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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