the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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