the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
