hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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