So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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