I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
