the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
