So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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