Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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