Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
