You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
