remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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