that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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