our cab driver is having phone sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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