On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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