just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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