super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
