ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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