I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
