is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize