I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
