I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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