i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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