i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I AM VODKA MAN
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
