I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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