Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
