the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
