btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize