I am spending my child support on dildos
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize