so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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