can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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