You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
