Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
