You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
