hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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