a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
