He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
