Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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