I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
