call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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