I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
