my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
vagina is talking i cant
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
