I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
