some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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