Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
