just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
