You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize