well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
