K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
