And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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