They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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