I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you win again, gameday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
