I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
