her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
