It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize