On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
