Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
